Been a while... Am here again... Because of you. Thank you for being there..... More to come soon.... Watch this space...... Lol
Friday 1 February 2013
Tuesday 25 September 2012
Letting Go
There are a lot of questions that some would love to ask out loud but would not because they are afraid of what others around them might think of them. There are thoughts that one would want to think but would not because of what they think others might think when they find out that they are thinking such thoughts. The truth is if you allow yourself to be caged both physically and mentally, there is really no point in living. i am no psychologist, neither am i gifted in the art of reading human nature, but i know there is no harm in saying what you want to say or thinking what you want to think whenever you want to think it. It has become common practice among certain people who feel they are better than others to try to stop the other man from thinking or expressing himself. The power of expression once taken away from one can wreck serious havoc on the lives of those affected. Sitting here in my room, Puccini's Chrysanthemus slowly taking me away, i decided to put my thoughts on the web for others to see so i would always be grateful for not missing this moment. my mind being what is is, i probably might never think these same thoughts again, so i thought why not write it......
Yea, back to thoughts......and the art of thinking. It would interest you to know that as i write this, all my mind is doing is thinking... yes, i am thinking of what i am thinking. The various scenes playing in my head of me doing a solo mime to Chrysanthemus.... seeing myself in leotards and ballet flats, floating to the albeit sorrowful piece like the black swan.. I wonder, why would someone try to take away my ability to think? Is it even possible to live a life that is devoid of thinking? One too many times i have asked myself, would my life have turned out differently if i never thought? would i be a better person or worse? I know anybody reading this would probably say out loud, what is she writing? why is she seeking attention this way? the truth is i am not thinking to seek attention. I am only tired of thinking thoughts that would stay in my head and take up all the space i need to store other things.......... yea i needed to write... i needed to put down what i was thinking... but what was i thinking???? oh yes, the black swan.... Sorrow, Melancholy.....and as if on cue, Mozart's requiem slowly fills my headphones. Right now, any reader would probably not be interested in the thought i was thinking. I am fine, i am only thinking of what i was thinking.
Have you ever experienced that tingling in your head, that burning sensation you feel when it seems like you have too many things in your head at the same time? Most times when i say what i think people wonder why i say them. They ask, do you think anybody really cares? do you think people have time to care about your thoughts? i say who told you i think because i want people to care? i think because i can think...... because (in my case) its not something i can control or stop..... Some people deliberately stop themselves from thinking of what they should because they are afraid of what people around them might say when their thoughts become words........ i might not have said anything here.... but the truth is what i was thinking was that one should not be afraid to think......
Thank you for reading what i was thinking.........
Yea, back to thoughts......and the art of thinking. It would interest you to know that as i write this, all my mind is doing is thinking... yes, i am thinking of what i am thinking. The various scenes playing in my head of me doing a solo mime to Chrysanthemus.... seeing myself in leotards and ballet flats, floating to the albeit sorrowful piece like the black swan.. I wonder, why would someone try to take away my ability to think? Is it even possible to live a life that is devoid of thinking? One too many times i have asked myself, would my life have turned out differently if i never thought? would i be a better person or worse? I know anybody reading this would probably say out loud, what is she writing? why is she seeking attention this way? the truth is i am not thinking to seek attention. I am only tired of thinking thoughts that would stay in my head and take up all the space i need to store other things.......... yea i needed to write... i needed to put down what i was thinking... but what was i thinking???? oh yes, the black swan.... Sorrow, Melancholy.....and as if on cue, Mozart's requiem slowly fills my headphones. Right now, any reader would probably not be interested in the thought i was thinking. I am fine, i am only thinking of what i was thinking.
Have you ever experienced that tingling in your head, that burning sensation you feel when it seems like you have too many things in your head at the same time? Most times when i say what i think people wonder why i say them. They ask, do you think anybody really cares? do you think people have time to care about your thoughts? i say who told you i think because i want people to care? i think because i can think...... because (in my case) its not something i can control or stop..... Some people deliberately stop themselves from thinking of what they should because they are afraid of what people around them might say when their thoughts become words........ i might not have said anything here.... but the truth is what i was thinking was that one should not be afraid to think......
Thank you for reading what i was thinking.........
Wednesday 29 August 2012
Still under Lost Notes.......
Soliloquy
In my mind's eye,i have always viewed myself through other people's eyes...never before had i thought to examine myself through my own view-thats if i have one-I have dreamt tall dreams,achieved so little,and began to question the reason for my existence.In philosophical antiquity,the goal of every man in life is to achieve happiness in the end...Must i get to my end before i attain eternal happiness?My philosophy is that man should work towards making others happy because its only in so doing dat man can experience real happiness.The question of morality may not be all important in the determination of the outcome of a man's life.
When would i be what i want to be?When would i be able to do things to make other people happy in order to attain my own happiness?It is not enough to possess all and yet impact so little in the lives of others...I cant even remember when last i bought my parents gifts for being such good guardians......God willing i have got just 2yrs to go in my first hurdle towards greatness...the struggle has only just begun. I find that i am yet unready to face my ambitions...my mind is indeed not as sharp as i'd want it to be....i dont see any action of mine dat depicts any atom of future greatness....I am nothing but a lowly charlatan,who only wishes i knew what i wanted....this does not mean that i am devoid of aspirations; I have got so many that my calling eludes me....I guess one day when my soliloquy nears its end,i'd have discoverd my true purpose in vida.
Its my way of saying am speechless.....The words seem to av eluded me,and my mind is almost blank.Thats y am writing this note; that it may be said dat she tried,but the words just wouldnt come! I really dont know what else to do right now,i seem to have lost all options of relaxation,so this note seems to be the perfect escape.That i may not think so much that i begin to think rubbish,i write this note....I have never been in such a situation in ma recent years....I have discovered that i am losing focus.Must i live with this curse? Why didnt i come wiv d goats or fishes? Or better yet,the lion or the twins? Instead i chose to come wiv d scales! *scoffs* thats my greatest cross ever! I really love my person but then i hate it at times.....I cant even stand up to 'em trash talkers! I av lost my tongue cuz my heart is thinking for my head! Jeez! I need some kinda shock therapy...someone to slap my face and shake me so vigorously my head would spin! Must i continue to act like a lamb? To thread softly 4d fear of being trodden upon? Hmmm......suru laye gba! Na so dem talk,but i don do suru i don dey gba iwosi....hmmm
Lost Notes.....
Prim, Proper and Preposterous
Its been quite a while since i posted a note on here,and believe me,a whole lot has happened to me during this long and bumpy break...well what can i say,i have experienced a whole lot of highs and lows...plus my days of emotional distress are seemingly far behind me..(i hope).In the beginning i was nothing short of a naive little school girl,didnt know my left from my right...always wanted to look and act right and in the process,i appeared to many as a S.U...(a somewhat derogatory pseudonym for a more or less "socially lifeless" person). I must add here that my life followed this pattern for a long time in school....i eventualy became a "semi-geek" in school...As Prim as i thought i was,i must say i never really did what was proper at all times....*raised eyebrows,scratching my chin* Well,i found solace in facebook,and my alter ego became my bestfriend...somehow,i became so engrossed in cyber life..and of course,my Nokia3110c(God bless its soul..if it has one) suffered greatly for this...
The Proper thing i should have done though was to keep my private life private...but what can i say,we all get carried away and say all thats in our hearts where we think nobody knows us....My notes are indeed a reflection of my deepest thoughts...things i probably wont say to those i see as close...Well,during my absence,i shed the bloody excess baggage my heart had erstwhile accomodated...yep,and then exactly three months after....him,you know...Well,absurd would be the right adjective to use in describing my actions during the period after...Lord knows how many times i thought i was so in the ditch...I had almost vowed never to fall again,the idea to me was just preposterous....oh well i guess i'd just have to get used to this new nature of mine....
Love u all, my next note would come soon...this is me in a bloody nutshell...
P.S-No literary laurels in mind while writing this...just freestyling!
Friday 3 August 2012
From London with Not so Much Love.....
The social media was agog last night with various comments mostly from Nigerians who were disappointed with the dismal outing of the country's basketball team in their game against the American team last night. From the beginning of the game in the First quarter, up until the final quarter, the game was dominated by the American team who proved to be the better side at the end of the game. The Americans thrashed their Nigerian opponents 156-73, which is the most humiliating defeat suffered by any one team in basketball at the Olympics! An 83-point win, destroying the 72-point record set by Team USA over Thailand
in the 1956 Olympics. And, perhaps most impressively, 156 total points,
destroying the record set by Brazil in the 1988 tourney.
It was a little one-sided.
It should be recalled that it was barely two days before that game that saw Nigeria get defeated by Lithuania in yet another group game.
Since the London Olympics 2012 began on the 27th of July, and the games kicked off the day after, the Nigerian team is yet to record any wins in any of the sports in which they have participated... While it might still be too early to completely rule out the possibilities of winning any medals at the games, it is important to note that there has really been a limit on the kinds of sport in which the country has fielded athletes. A lot still needs to be done to improve sports in Nigeria. It is quite disappointing that the "Giant of Africa" is yet to pick any medals in this year's Olympics, considering the fact that it is not the first the country is attending. Talking of the basketball team, one needs to ask, when did they begin to train for the Olympics? that's assuming they did train at all..... When would the giant of Africa realize that it is important to invest in sports? When would we stop relying on foreign-based players who probably train from their personal accounts to bring home medals for us? Last nights basketball game was indeed more than a thrashing, it was a statement....
With Athletics beginning today, Nigerians are hoping that the country would be placed on the medals table, we can only watch and wait.. Hopefully we would not be out shined by athletes from countries that know the value of sports.......
It was a little one-sided.
It should be recalled that it was barely two days before that game that saw Nigeria get defeated by Lithuania in yet another group game.
 |
| U.S.A's Kobe Bryant doing his thing while Nigeria's Obasohan and fellow teammate look on |
Since the London Olympics 2012 began on the 27th of July, and the games kicked off the day after, the Nigerian team is yet to record any wins in any of the sports in which they have participated... While it might still be too early to completely rule out the possibilities of winning any medals at the games, it is important to note that there has really been a limit on the kinds of sport in which the country has fielded athletes. A lot still needs to be done to improve sports in Nigeria. It is quite disappointing that the "Giant of Africa" is yet to pick any medals in this year's Olympics, considering the fact that it is not the first the country is attending. Talking of the basketball team, one needs to ask, when did they begin to train for the Olympics? that's assuming they did train at all..... When would the giant of Africa realize that it is important to invest in sports? When would we stop relying on foreign-based players who probably train from their personal accounts to bring home medals for us? Last nights basketball game was indeed more than a thrashing, it was a statement....
 |
| Team Nigeria at the London Olympics 2012 |
With Athletics beginning today, Nigerians are hoping that the country would be placed on the medals table, we can only watch and wait.. Hopefully we would not be out shined by athletes from countries that know the value of sports.......
Thursday 2 August 2012
.........
Dear Ben,
Its amazing how time flies, it seems like it was only just yesterday you decided to embark on that trip, you had stars in your eyes that morning. It had been a really bumpy road for us, all those times when you would lie with your head on my lap, sharing your dreams and hopes, listening to me while i talked of my passions and aspirations. It was you who taught me to dream, to believe in anything i set my heart on. We would sit and soak garri, with suya, hoping that one day everything would be alright. I remember the day you came back from work with the news. I was beyond elated.... All i could think of was the smile on your face, the joy you exuded at the thought of being offered a new position at your place of work. Hmm..... Ben, i called everyone.... everyone in my family had to hear that finally, the man whom i loved and adored, the one whom everyone thought was incapable of getting a good job, had finally gotten one! At a reputable firm at that!.
Baby, i was happy for you, above all, i was proud of you... Finally we were going to have enough money to have that dream wedding we had always dreamed of... I had already began to tell my friends to get ready to buy my aso ebi. You said you needed to travel, you wanted to report at your new position in Abuja, i guess i was to excited about the prospects of finally tying the knots with you that i did not think to suggest that i accompany you.......It would have been a better fate for me than having to write this dreadful letter.
I shouldn't have encouraged you to take that job..I remember when i dropped you at the airport, all i could think to say was "buy me something nice"...... How stupid..... I should have asked you to make sure you return to me in one piece.... I should have hugged you tightly and kissed you. I should have taken a picture of that smile that always brought warmth to my heart...I should have told you that you were going to be a father soon... maybe you'd have delayed the trip. When i heard the news at the salon i thought.....this must be a joke. I dialed your number all through the afternoon, but it could not be reached. Not knowing what to do, i ran all the way home.....yes love, i ran.... Turned on the tv in time to see the list of names of those who had died on that flight..... That was when it hit me.... I just stared blankly at the tv screen.... The whole world seemed to be spinning at that moment.... Ben..... you should have stayed with me... You promised that you were going to be around!!!!!! Why did you have to go so soon????
Each day since that day feels unreal to me, your folks had me see a shrink.... he insisted i write you everyday to ease the pain..... I don't know how to explain how i feel.I lost the baby Ben, am sorry... I was too weak from my grief i made it suffer.. We would have been married almost 5months by now.... I miss you Ben... I miss you.... Please come back.
Yours forever,
Sharon
Its amazing how time flies, it seems like it was only just yesterday you decided to embark on that trip, you had stars in your eyes that morning. It had been a really bumpy road for us, all those times when you would lie with your head on my lap, sharing your dreams and hopes, listening to me while i talked of my passions and aspirations. It was you who taught me to dream, to believe in anything i set my heart on. We would sit and soak garri, with suya, hoping that one day everything would be alright. I remember the day you came back from work with the news. I was beyond elated.... All i could think of was the smile on your face, the joy you exuded at the thought of being offered a new position at your place of work. Hmm..... Ben, i called everyone.... everyone in my family had to hear that finally, the man whom i loved and adored, the one whom everyone thought was incapable of getting a good job, had finally gotten one! At a reputable firm at that!.
Baby, i was happy for you, above all, i was proud of you... Finally we were going to have enough money to have that dream wedding we had always dreamed of... I had already began to tell my friends to get ready to buy my aso ebi. You said you needed to travel, you wanted to report at your new position in Abuja, i guess i was to excited about the prospects of finally tying the knots with you that i did not think to suggest that i accompany you.......It would have been a better fate for me than having to write this dreadful letter.
I shouldn't have encouraged you to take that job..I remember when i dropped you at the airport, all i could think to say was "buy me something nice"...... How stupid..... I should have asked you to make sure you return to me in one piece.... I should have hugged you tightly and kissed you. I should have taken a picture of that smile that always brought warmth to my heart...I should have told you that you were going to be a father soon... maybe you'd have delayed the trip. When i heard the news at the salon i thought.....this must be a joke. I dialed your number all through the afternoon, but it could not be reached. Not knowing what to do, i ran all the way home.....yes love, i ran.... Turned on the tv in time to see the list of names of those who had died on that flight..... That was when it hit me.... I just stared blankly at the tv screen.... The whole world seemed to be spinning at that moment.... Ben..... you should have stayed with me... You promised that you were going to be around!!!!!! Why did you have to go so soon????
Each day since that day feels unreal to me, your folks had me see a shrink.... he insisted i write you everyday to ease the pain..... I don't know how to explain how i feel.I lost the baby Ben, am sorry... I was too weak from my grief i made it suffer.. We would have been married almost 5months by now.... I miss you Ben... I miss you.... Please come back.
Yours forever,
Sharon
Minerva's Musings: Scary Stories from the skies.......
Minerva's Musings: Scary Stories from the skies.......: As a child i held the belief that people who went on trips using air transport were in a league of their own.. In fact, i used to believe th...
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