Letting Go

There are a lot of questions that some would love to ask out loud but would not because they are afraid of what others around them might think of them. There are thoughts that one would want to think but would not because of what they think others might think when they find out that they are thinking such thoughts. The truth is if you allow yourself to be caged both physically and mentally, there is really no point in living. i am no psychologist, neither am i gifted in the art of reading human nature, but i know there is no harm in saying what you want to say or thinking what you want to think whenever you want to think it. It has become common practice among certain people who feel they are better than others to try to stop the other man from thinking or expressing himself. The power of expression once taken away from one can wreck serious havoc on the lives of those affected. Sitting here in my room, Puccini's Chrysanthemus slowly taking me away, i decided to put my thoughts on the web for others to see so i would always be grateful for not missing this moment. my mind being what is is, i probably might never think these same thoughts again, so i thought why not write it......
    Yea, back to thoughts......and the art of thinking. It would interest you to know that as i write this, all my mind is doing is thinking... yes, i am thinking of what i am thinking. The various scenes playing in my head of me doing a solo mime to Chrysanthemus.... seeing myself in leotards and ballet flats, floating to the albeit sorrowful piece like the black swan.. I wonder, why would someone try to take away my ability to think? Is it even possible to live a life that is devoid of thinking? One too many times i have asked myself, would my life have turned out differently if i never thought? would i be a better person or worse? I know anybody reading this would probably say out loud, what is she writing? why is she seeking attention this way? the truth is i am not thinking to seek attention. I am only tired of thinking thoughts that would stay in my head and take up all the space i need to store other things.......... yea i needed to write... i needed to put down what i was thinking... but what was i thinking???? oh yes, the black swan.... Sorrow, Melancholy.....and as if on cue, Mozart's requiem slowly fills my headphones. Right now, any reader would probably not be interested in the thought i was thinking.  I am fine, i am only thinking of what i was thinking.
   Have you ever experienced that tingling in your head, that burning sensation you feel when it seems like you have too many things in your head at the same time? Most times when i say what i think people wonder why i say them. They ask, do you think anybody really cares? do you think people have time to care about your thoughts? i say who told you i think because i want people to care? i think because i can think...... because (in my case) its not something i can control or stop..... Some people deliberately stop themselves from thinking of what they should because they are afraid of what people around them might say when their thoughts become words........ i might not have said anything here.... but the truth is what i was thinking was that one should not be afraid to think......


Thank you for reading what i was thinking.........

Still under Lost Notes.......

Soliloquy





In my mind's eye,i have always viewed myself through other people's eyes...never before had i thought to examine myself through my own view-thats if i have one-I have dreamt tall dreams,achieved so little,and began to question the reason for my existence.In philosophical antiquity,the goal of every man in life is to achieve happiness in the end...Must i get to my end before i attain eternal happiness?My philosophy is that man should work towards making others happy because its only in so doing dat man can experience real happiness.The question of morality may not be all important in the determination of the outcome of a man's life.
When would i be what i want to be?When would i be able to do things to make other people happy in order to attain my own happiness?It is not enough to possess all and yet impact so little in the lives of others...I cant even remember when last i bought my parents gifts for being such good guardians......God willing i have got just 2yrs to go in my first hurdle towards greatness...the struggle has only just begun. I find that i am yet unready to face my ambitions...my mind is indeed not as sharp as i'd want it to be....i dont see any action of mine dat depicts any atom of future greatness....I am nothing but a lowly charlatan,who only wishes i knew what i wanted....this does not mean that i am devoid of aspirations; I have got so many that my calling eludes me....I guess one day when my soliloquy nears its end,i'd have discoverd my true purpose in vida.






Its my way of saying am speechless.....The words seem to av eluded me,and my mind is almost blank.Thats y am writing this note; that it may be said dat she tried,but the words just wouldnt come! I really dont know what else to do right now,i seem to have lost all options of relaxation,so this note seems to be the perfect escape.That i may not think so much that i begin to think rubbish,i write this note....I have never been in such a situation in ma recent years....I have discovered that i am losing focus.Must i live with this curse? Why didnt i come wiv d goats or fishes? Or better yet,the lion or the twins? Instead i chose to come wiv d scales! *scoffs* thats my greatest cross ever! I really love my person but then i hate it at times.....I cant even stand up to 'em trash talkers! I av lost my tongue cuz my heart is thinking for my head! Jeez! I need some kinda shock therapy...someone to slap my face and shake me so vigorously my head would spin! Must i continue to act like a lamb? To thread softly 4d fear of being trodden upon? Hmmm......suru laye gba! Na so dem talk,but i don do suru i don dey gba iwosi....hmmm

Lost Notes.....

Prim, Proper and Preposterous






Its been quite a while since i posted a note on here,and believe me,a whole lot has happened to me during this long and bumpy break...well what can i say,i have experienced a whole lot of highs and lows...plus my days of emotional distress are seemingly far behind me..(i hope).In the beginning i was nothing short of a naive little school girl,didnt know my left from my right...always wanted to look and act right and in the process,i appeared to many as a S.U...(a somewhat derogatory pseudonym for a more or less "socially lifeless" person). I must add here that my life followed this pattern for a long time in school....i eventualy became a "semi-geek" in school...As Prim as i thought i was,i must say i never really did what was proper at all times....*raised eyebrows,scratching my chin* Well,i found solace in facebook,and my alter ego became my bestfriend...somehow,i became so engrossed in cyber life..and of course,my Nokia3110c(God bless its soul..if it has one) suffered greatly for this...
The Proper thing i should have done though was to keep my private life private...but what can i say,we all get carried away and say all thats in our hearts where we think nobody knows us....My notes are indeed a reflection of my deepest thoughts...things i probably wont say to those i see as close...Well,during my absence,i shed the bloody excess baggage my heart had erstwhile accomodated...yep,and then exactly three months after....him,you know...Well,absurd would be the right adjective to use in describing my actions during the period after...Lord knows how many times i thought i was so in the ditch...I had almost vowed never to fall again,the idea to me was just preposterous....oh well i guess i'd just have to get used to this new nature of mine....
Love u all, my next note would come soon...this is me in a bloody nutshell...
P.S-No literary laurels in mind while writing this...just freestyling!

From London with Not so Much Love.....

The social media was agog last night with various comments mostly from Nigerians who were disappointed with the dismal outing of the country's basketball team in their game against the American team last night. From the beginning of the game in the First quarter, up until the final quarter, the game was dominated by the American team who proved to be the better side at the end of the game. The Americans thrashed their Nigerian opponents 156-73, which is the most humiliating defeat suffered by any one team in basketball at the Olympics! An 83-point win, destroying the 72-point record set by Team USA over Thailand in the 1956 Olympics. And, perhaps most impressively, 156 total points, destroying the record set by Brazil in the 1988 tourney.
It was a little one-sided.
It should be recalled that it was barely two days before that game that saw Nigeria get defeated by Lithuania in yet another group game.

U.S.A's Kobe Bryant doing his thing while Nigeria's Obasohan and fellow teammate look on

     Since the London Olympics 2012 began on the 27th of July, and the games kicked off the day after, the Nigerian team is yet to record any wins in any of the sports in which they have participated...  While it might still be too early to completely rule out the possibilities of winning any medals at the games, it is important to note that there has really been a limit on the kinds of sport in which the country has fielded athletes. A lot still needs to be done to improve sports in Nigeria. It is quite disappointing that the "Giant of Africa" is yet to pick any medals in this year's  Olympics, considering the  fact that it is not the first the country is attending. Talking of the basketball team, one needs to ask, when did they begin to train for the Olympics? that's assuming they did train at all..... When would the giant of Africa realize that it is important to invest in sports? When would we stop relying on foreign-based players who probably train from their personal accounts to bring home medals for us? Last nights basketball game was indeed more than a thrashing, it was a statement....

Team Nigeria at the London Olympics 2012

     With Athletics beginning today, Nigerians are hoping that the country would be placed on the medals table, we can only watch and wait.. Hopefully we would not be out shined by athletes from countries that know the value of sports.......

.........

Dear Ben,
    
      Its amazing how time flies, it seems like it was only just yesterday you decided to embark on that trip, you had stars in your eyes that morning. It had been a really bumpy road for us, all those times when you would lie with your head on my lap, sharing your dreams and hopes, listening to me while i talked of my passions and aspirations. It was you who taught me to dream, to believe in anything i set my heart on. We would sit and soak garri, with suya, hoping that one day everything would be alright. I remember the day you came back from work with the news. I was beyond elated.... All i could think of was the smile on your face, the joy you exuded at the thought of being offered a new position at your place of work. Hmm..... Ben, i called everyone.... everyone in my family had to hear that finally, the man whom i loved and adored, the one whom everyone thought was incapable of getting a good job, had finally gotten one! At a reputable firm at that!.
      Baby, i was happy for you, above all, i was proud of you... Finally we were going to have enough money to have that dream wedding we had always dreamed of... I had already began to tell my friends to get ready to buy my aso ebi. You said you needed to travel, you wanted to report at your new position in Abuja, i guess i was to excited about the prospects of finally tying the knots with you that i did not think to suggest that i accompany you.......It would have been a better fate for me than having to write this dreadful letter.
      I shouldn't have encouraged you to take that job..I remember when i dropped you at the airport, all i could think to say was "buy me something nice"...... How stupid..... I should have asked you to make sure you return to me in one piece.... I should have hugged you tightly and kissed you. I should have taken a picture of that smile that always brought warmth to my heart...I should have told you that you were going to be a father soon... maybe you'd have delayed the trip. When i heard the news at the salon i thought.....this must be a joke. I dialed your number all through the afternoon, but it could not be reached. Not knowing what to do, i ran all the way home.....yes love, i ran.... Turned on the tv in time to see the list of names of those who had died on that flight..... That was when it hit me.... I just stared blankly at the tv screen.... The whole world seemed to be spinning at that moment.... Ben..... you should have stayed with me... You promised that you were going to be around!!!!!! Why did you  have to go so soon????
       Each day since that day feels unreal to me, your folks had me see a shrink.... he insisted i write you everyday to ease the pain..... I don't know how to explain how i feel.I lost the baby Ben, am sorry... I was too weak from my grief i made it suffer.. We would have been married almost 5months by now.... I miss you Ben... I miss you.... Please come back.




Yours forever,
Sharon
  

Minerva's Musings: Scary Stories from the skies.......

Minerva's Musings: Scary Stories from the skies.......: As a child i held the belief that people who went on trips using air transport were in a league of their own.. In fact, i used to believe th...

Scary Stories from the skies.......

As a child i held the belief that people who went on trips using air transport were in a league of their own.. In fact, i used to believe that they were much more privileged to opt for air travel instead of going to their destinations by road. I had painted this sublime picture of air travel, where the passenger is king and is doted on by the cabin crew, air hostesses at your beck and call, comfortable seats, depending on how you love to fly, as well as wholesome snacks and some souvenirs from the flight. Till date, i still have not had the opportunity to fly anywhere, as even my short trips around the country have been done by road. i have always been fascinated about the idea of traveling by air though, and i couldn't help asking friends and family who have experienced it how they feel about air transportation in Nigeria.
     Now, we know there are different carriers in the country, we have Arik Air, Aero Contractors, the recently grounded Air Nigeria, Dana Airlines, Overland Airlines, IRS Airlines and a few other local airlines in the country that shuttle between specific routes in the country. Now, most of these carriers operate flight schedules that are meant to cater to the somewhat high demand for air transportation as the preferred choice by commuters especially on long distance journeys. My questions to my friends and family who had on some occasions been passengers on some local flights by various carriers were mostly towards the area of hospitality. I was itching to know how comfortable people really are flying to their various destinations when the need arises. The retorts i got were far from encouraging, and i am really not looking forward to hopping on a plane soon.
       A striking recurring complaint i encountered while asking questions was the fact that some carriers are notorious for delays. In more cases than one, there have been complaints about the lateness of these airlines especially when a flight has been scheduled for a particular time. There was one particularly pathetic case of a flight that was scheduled for 9am that did not take off till about 4pm in the afternoon. In this case, no serious explanation was given for the delay and passengers were made to tarry at the airport for the plane to even arrive before even thinking of embarking on the flight!. In such a case, one begins to wonder what these airlines really stand for especially in their approach to the treatment of passengers.
     Another complaint was on the way planes are used by some airlines. It is sad to note that a single plane can b used to cover almost 4 round trips in a day to and fro local flights and not undergo any routine checks on landing. One person told me of a flight of his which had been delayed for almost 4 hours after the scheduled take off time, on the arrival of the plane, the pilot was said to have dropped the passengers from the previous trip, turned the plane around and "loaded" the new passengers aboard, and off he went!. This is not only sad, it is scary! The thought of embarking on a trip on a plane only to be ferried like am entering a "molue" is certainly not appealing.
       I was equally shocked to hear that one would have to pay for refreshments on the flight too. A flight from Lagos to Abuja on a normal airline would cost between 20k-25k, depending on the carrier you patronize, and the flights take nothing more than 30mins in some cases, and yet with the not so quality treatment meted out on passengers by the airlines, one would still have to buy food!!!!, the thought is really annoying!. With all the stories i have heard about air travel in Nigeria, i wonder, whats the difference between boarding a plane from Lagos to Abuja and probably boarding a "God is Good" Motors bus on the same route? It would surprise you to know that some of these Road transport operators that ply interstate routes provide better services than the airlines who constantly woe unsuspecting passengers with their rather "sleazy" adverts.
     In all this, one would wonder what hope there really is for the aviation sector in Nigeria. It is for this same reason, this ineptitude, and blatant disregard for the importance of comfortable air travel, that international carriers are able to milk hardworking Nigerians of their hard earned money when they decide to board international airlines to travel overseas. I think the government should really look into the aviation sector, i wonder if our President or any of his staff can actually travel on a local airline in economy....(i doubt this). Maybe they can not because the service in that section is nothing to write home about. Something needs to be done to stop these rather shameful experiences some people go through all in the bid to travel "safely".




P.S: If you read this article and have any comments on your experience flying on any local airlines in Nigeria, please feel free to drop a comment. Thanks....



                                                                                                                    Minerva 

Arsenal and the Fear of Losing RVP

Yea, i i watch football, i maybe i don't really love the sport, (or maybe i just don't like playing it), but i watch football. Now, everyone knows that its going to be the beginning of yet another football season in Europe soon enough, and at the moment the transfer windows have been literally flung open and players are being bought and sold, contracts are being renewed and some clubs, especially the English clubs are on the hot seat during this very critical period. The spotlight is on Arsenal this time as we watch with bated breath for an end to the ongoing brouhaha and rumors concerning the club's main captain and striker, Robin Van Persie.
  Now, truth be told, RVP is indeed a good striker, in fact, the last season saw him motivate the club with his superb performance on the pitch, his never ending thirst for goals and his instrumentality to the club's finishing in 3rd place in the last Barclays Premier League season. After Euro2012, most fans of the club and indeed, fans of other rival clubs such as Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea etc were of the view that the Arsenal striker was almost invisible during his rather brief stint in the competition under his home country's flag. And then the rumors began to circulate that the  PFA Player of the year was in fact going to leave arsenal where he has been for over 6years without a trophy.
   Currently the top scorer in the English Premier League with 30 goals netted last season, the future of the Striker at arsenal is still quite uncertain as the club has not come up with a definite report on whether or not the Dutchman would stay or leave. As expected, fans are besides themselves in anxiety as the striker has been viewed as the very best Arsenal has got judging from the last season. 
   Judging from the club's progress over the years, i am of the view that whether or not RVP stays or leaves it might have little or no effect whatsoever on the club's performance. The club has been graced by the likes of the great Thierry Henry and a host of others, who had played very well for the club, and their departure did not necessarily mean the end of Arsenal as one of the clubs to reckon with in the English Premier League.
   More attention should be paid to signing more players with experience, as well as fielding the young ones to build their skills. With Jack Wilshere ruled out for the beginning of the season till october, the club has to make a decision fast, to up the ante and aim for trophies this season whether RVP stays or leaves.

Still on NYSC

It has been a while since i sat down to write anything here....am sorry i cant help going away sometimes as its almost impossible for me to blog from my current location... But am here now so i guess i should just go ahead and whine like i always do.

 On the NYSC as a scheme to promote National Integration, i had already pointed out in my previous write up that the lofty aims and objectives of the founding fathers of the scheme can no longer be said to be tenable. However, some other issues have caught my attention in the little time i was absent, and am going to try my very best to express myself the way i ought to.

 First, on the payment on corp members; it would not surprise a good number of corp members that the monthly stipend allocated to corp members by the Federal Government (generally called "allowee") is most times "withheld" in some states. In such instances, corp members suffer all sorts of discomforts, including buying foodstuff on credit, going to report to the Local government Liaison offices with little or no money, as such they have to borrow, and a host of other difficulties.
 Now my question is this, is there not a particular time when this "stipend' should be disbursed to corp members by the various state offices of the NYSC? . It would interest some, and shock some to know that in some states, especially states in the northern part of the country, corp members are paid earlier than others..(and by earlier i mean 2 weeks earlier).... Does it mean that it is not the same Federal Government that remits the monies to the NYSC, who is in charge of disbursing the money appropriately?

 Whoever the people that are in charge of disbursing these monies, they should pay heed to the fact that not all corp members are from rich homes, and as such not all can cry to their daddies or mommies or uncles to send them money when the NYSC decides to hold their allowances ransome. A worker does deserve his/her wages, and it is important that the Federal Government look into this matter, since these corp members are serving their fatherland. 
 Second: On the Community Development Service (CDS) that has been made mandatory by the NYSC in a bid to monitor the activities of corp members towards the development of their communities o primary assignment. Now, i really do wonder what this CDS really means, maybe because i have failed to understand its essence in the scheme. For instance, community development ought to entail coming together to do something either collectively or individually for your host communities. In a situation where corp members are constantly asked to go down to the secretariat from their various communities every thursday in the week, most times to exchange fruitless banter or just write names and go back to their places of primary assignment, there is really little or nothing that can be achieved this way within the one year that is dedicated to this scheme.

 A lot is wrong with the scheme really, and i may not be able to go all out in one blog, but personally, i believe the scheme has long outlived its usefulness and should either be scrapped or its framework reconstructed. That's all i would say for now.............

Service In a "Not so Father(ly) Land"

                                       

                                    Service In a "Not so Father(ly) Land"




After almost two weeks away from the blog, i realized i have got a lot of things to rant about, from the deplorable condition of my country's educational system, to the inherent security challenges faced in the northern part of my country, but i think I'll just start from one point before jumping to the other.

  I'd like to start with the conditions under which some youth corp members live in some states in the country. It is important to note that since the inception of the N.Y.S.C (National Youth Service Corp) in the late 60's, the aims and objectives of the scheme has waned in achieving its goals over the years. The idea of fostering national integration as the founding fathers thought has been undermined by the various happenings in the country in recent times.

      After camp, it is only normal for the newly inducted corp members to be taken down to the nearest corper's lodge to their various places of primary assignment, to make it easy for them to report to their places of work. it is however very disturbing to note that these structures that serve as "lodges" in some states are in the most appalling shape. a strong case in point is the corper's lodge in Afon, under Asa local government in Kwara State. The story is a pathetic one, looking at the buildings, one can only wonder whether the N.Y.S.C has no provisions for the maintenance of such buildings. imagine what would run through the mind of a freshly deployed corp member from another state entirely who has no relations in such a state; the horror of having to live in such an environment for a whole year is not the most encouraging of things.

     I was at the lodge to take in the sights, and i tell you, even animals should not be kept in such a place. The buildings look like they have not been touched since when it was built after the creation of the state itself, (since 1967!). It is sincerely saddening that some corpers are made to live under such conditions. I do hope that the Federal government through the administration of the N.Y.S.C would make attempts to provide better accommodation for corp members, taking into consideration the fact that most of them are miles away from home.

FREE EDUCATION in Kwara State: A Facade

 I know I am quite new at this, I have no professional experience in writing, but I'll try to pass my message across to the few who are going to read this.

 What exactly is Free Education? Well, to me, the word "Free" connotes the absence of a monetary or material reward for a service rendered. While "Education" is a process of teaching, training and learning, especially in a school or college. (Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary). Simply put, Free Education is the process of teaching, training and learning in a school or college, where applicable, for free.

 To my utter dismay and naively, shock, what has been termed "Free Education" as is obtainable in some states in Nigeria is not more than a waste of time and resources. It would shock some (not all), to know that this "Free Education" is just a waste of time, manpower, and most importantly, resources.

 In Kwara State, in the government-owned schools where this Free Education is executed as a policy, it is quite exasperating that the level of development in the educational sector is still at an all time low, and is still falling. I wouldn't want to make accusations, since I am not in possession of some figures that would buttress my inner thoughts, but its glaring that the ricochet effect of the government's nonchalant attitude towards paying its teachers, also affects the service delivery of these teachers, and ultimately resulting in the production of "unbaked" (half-baked is an understatement) students in the long run.

  Now, as a mere observer, I have noticed that a majority of these teachers have the knowledge to pass on, but don't have the appropriate tools to pass this message on. Its a given that such states as Kwara State is heavily populated by Yoruba speaking people; but where does a teacher get off teaching a primary school kid in that same language, continuing the trend even up until secondary level. Then you have a Senior Secondary School Two student who writes what he sees on the board, and yet cannot put together a readable sentence!

 While I believe in the essence of preserving what's left of the Nigerian Culture, I strongly believe that if education is going to be Free, it should also be of good quality. It is not just enough for the government to provide free education on the surface, and then underneath, the educational system is destroyed as a result of the lack of dedication on the part of the teachers.

 Another issue is the unwillingness of these students to be educated. Looking closely, one can see that most of these students who are mandated to go to school function better in other areas like Farming, Tailoring, Apprentices, and others. In my opinion instead of launching "free education" schemes for people who have no interest whatsoever in schooling, the Kwara State Government should invest more in developing the potentials of these kids. If they prefer to farm rather than go to school, equip them to be farmers, then you can talk of educating them on new farming methods and see what happens...

  I only hope our leaders stop seeing only the light in their personal lives and work towards the common good in its entirety.

Minerva...

TOILETS: TRIVIAL, YET IMPORTANT

The "WC" or toilet as its commonly called was invented to serve as a civilized and healthy way to pass human waste and prevent the outbreak of diseases that could break out of the improper disposal of this rather hazardous waste. Indeed, the importance of the "toilet" cannot be overemphasized. It is therefore quite astonishing that in this "Information Age" and era of civilization, some areas in Nigeria have yet to discover the importance of using a "WC" instead of the more primitive ways of passing human waste.

  A case in point is the city of Ilorin, Kwara Nigeria; here the poor and the rich are sharply separated by the glaring show of opulence on the one hand, and the stench of abject poverty on the other. On careful investigation, it is undeniable that access to a standard Toilet is also one of the factors that separate the rich from the poor. Apart from the handful of homes that were either constructed from scratch by the educated few and the hotels and houses in the Government Reserved Areas, access to a standard toilet is quite hard to come by.

  While it must be taken into consideration that Kwara State has faced scarcity of water in the past, and even in the present in some areas of the state, this is still no excuse for the people NOT to invest in Toilets!

  Another case in point is Aboto Oja, a village under the Asa Local Government. Here, the word "Toilet" is almost a luxury, speak less of the structures itself. In fact, in the whole village, there happens to be just one toilet, which is actually a row of pits dug in the ground with planks over it. While I wouldn't blame the Kwara State Government for the apparent lack of a "toilet culture" in this part of the state, it is important for one to stress the importance of toilets, not only as a place to pass waste, but as a way to prevent the outbreak of deadly diseases.

 Firstly, to the best of my knowledge, it takes a whole lot to put up a structure to create shelter for ones head, hence, there ought to be a sort of plan (Urban and Rural Planners would know better) that dictates how a town or village would be laid out. Hence, the provision for sections of the compound that would accommodate Septic Tanks to collect accumulated human waste products.

 Secondly, the uncontrolled dumping of such waste can lead to the outbreak of diseases such as Cholera, Ecoli or even Typhoid, owing to the prevalence of flies in areas as sparsely populated as Aboto Oja.

 Thirdly, the Local Government ought to make it a duty to at least try to reach these rather "local" areas to sensitive them, through NGO's and other bosies on the need for proper sanitation as it affects their well being. It is not just enough to place clinics (that never really function) in these areas (almost hoping people fall sick).

 This write up is a result of my personal experience in parts of Ilorin and Aboto Oja in Kwara State...

                                  

Minerva...